Have A Great Rest of Your Day

Grandma is now in a coma. She can hear everything we say and is responding somewhat, but there is no real movement. We went to see her tonight and it was so hard. I didn’t even feel that she was really there. I know’s that’s because she is some where else, her spirit has gone somewhere else to be away from her pain.

Her breathing is very, very shallow and they have taken her off the oxygen.

(The phone just rang and I thought it was my mom saying she was gone. She just wanted to let me know that my sister will be here this weekend.)

The hospice nurse said again today, as she had already said Sunday that we are down to hours. We are basically planning on having the viewing Sunday night, Funeral Monday and burial Tuesday. It’s weird to be making plans based around a funeral. I’m going to notify work tomorrow that I will need Monday and Tuesday off.

Bryan and Loralee are here and will stay until after the funeral. Bryan was in with Grandma and asked if she wanted a foot rub, she actually said “yes” and moved her leg a bit. He is so sad to get here and not even be able to talk to her.

I’m eternally grateful that we got to see her over Mother’s Day weekend and that she was able to visit with us then. We are having a family prayer tonight that she will soon be released from this earth and return to the heaven’s above.

My mom wrote a beautiful poem that I will share later. It came to her as she was driving home from work and it fits Grandma so well. She will be very much missed, but I know she is glad to go “home” and be with Grandpa again.

I just wanted to write some feelings before bed. I will have a lot of catching up to do when I get back. I’m posting my Thursday Thirteen which I did a few days ago tonight so that it will be up. Make sure to add your link.

This post will probably be my last for a few days, so I wanted to give some updates before I forget what is going on.

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Kathryn just got a new tooth and there is another breaking through as I type. She has been wrotten the past few days and doing all the normal teething stuff. I’m glad they’ve finally broken through and we will be done with that for a few more months.
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John hasn’t been feeling well today and I don’t know if it’s allergies again, or if he is getting something more serious. Oh, I hope it’s just allergy stuff. He is such a baby when he’s sick. I sent him to bed early and I hope he is doing better in the morning.
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We are supposed to go to a Birthday Party at Heise this weekend for our nephew who is turning four. I love that place, but I don’t want to go. When I go I like to hang out in the hot tub, not party with a bunch of four year olds and their neurotic mothers. These are Melissa’s friends, not mine and that’s why their a bit crazy.
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We have family coming from Canada this weekend to see Great Grandma. I hope they are not too late! This is my favorite Uncle Bryan and his wife Loralee. I’m really excited to see them, which is the other reason I’m not overly thrilled to attend the above event.
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I’m tired and want to have another weekend to myself. The last one was so wonderful that I’m feeling selfish and want to recreate it. This however won’t happen. Better luck next time!
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My crazy cat is in heat again and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t wait until we can get her fixed. Not that she’s broken, just annoying as all heck. She wanders around the house, moaning and sticking her butt up in the air. If it weren’t so danged expensive, we would have had it done long ago. Besides I’m sick of my husband shooing her out of the way and saying “no Fido, I don’t want to have sex with you!”
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I know that we are going to get a guilt trip from the family for not going to the party this weekend, but I really don’t care. I already told Melissa we won’t be getting a gift. She was totally fine with it and agreed that he already has too many toys. However I’ve already been told that John’s mom is going to buy Bryden a gift and put our names on it. Whatever makes her happy I guess and as long as I don’t have to pay her back, fine!
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It is going to be a busy week at work, if today was any kind of an indicator. We have a lot going on. I’m grateful that our team is doing so well, yet am curious when I will be able to start working at home. Maybe after the summer when all the guys are back full time we can tackle that subject.
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Thank you all for your kind comments and words of support with everything that has been going on with my Great Grandmother. We are now down to days, unless something miraculous happens. That is where I’ll be over the next few days. Please keep my family in your prayers if you wouldn’t mind. Thanks again! Some days I don’t know what I would do without your nice comments.
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Now I’m going to go to bed myself, seeing as Katy, John and amazingly Fido are already there each of them sound asleep.

~update~ It has just come to my attention that some of you are having trouble viewing the posts and they are at the bottom of the page. I’ve been using Firefox with no problems. So if you are using IE, sorry I don’t know how to fix it!~

After being inspired by Trish and Kel, who are both sporting new blog designs, I started looking around for something to fit my budget. Free, that is. I had looked at several sites that offered some free templates, but really didn’t like any of them. I found one I can live with and that makes me happy for now.

I know I will either end up spending the next year trying to figure out on my own how to do it. Or I will spend it saving up to have someone design one for me. Either way this one is much better than what I had and it works. I even had an easier time editing it. Don’t know if that’s because I’m getting the hang of it a bit, or if I’m truly seeing things and this one does have less HTML gobbledy gook. Which is what it seemed.

Either way I think its a vast improvement. Thanks Trish and Kel for getting the ball rolling for me. Kudos also to Pannasmontata Templates for letting others use their designs.

Why do we create more stress for ourselves than is necessary? Why, why, why? I know that it’s hard to minimize and get rid of stress in our lives. I also know that it is possible.

A while back John went to see a doctor and talk about depression with him and ways it could be treated. He did this because he had two sibling on anti-depressants and another that had been on them when he was younger. They were all convinced that they had a chemical imbalance and that they got this from their father. I don’t know if this is or true of not, but I’m not a big fan of these types of drugs. Unless used correctly. I don’t feel that just taking the pill is enough, you have to take other steps to help yourself. That said I will get back to the point.

After John saw the doctor, he was on Paxil for about 2 months. He had terrible side effects, couldn’t sleep and hated having to take a pill everyday to feel better. He did however feel better, but that wasn’t how he wanted it to be. He went off the medication and we did lots of independent research on how to de-stress our lives and other methods to deal with depression.

Things got much better, our lives became much happier, we talked more, fought less and laughed more. We also ended up getting pregnant, while on birth control which was a big sign to us that it was the correct time and we were being sent a child because we needed it. That too ended up being correct.

A few months after we found out we were going to have a baby, Melissa and Travis found out they were going to have a baby as well. Melissa decided that she wanted to go off her anti-depressants like John had. She could do it without them and she would be fine. Besides if John could do it so could she. We were happy for her, gave her some suggestions, and wished her the best of luck! Now keep in mind that I’ve never dealt with depression before and the only things I know are from personal experience and the reading I’ve done.

That girl needs to go back on her pills. Please, for the love of all that is good in this world will someone make her go back on the pills. She needs that daily happy boost. She really, truly does. I liked her better when she was taking them.

John’s depression and anxiety was not severe. Most of it was self inflicted. Most of mine lately has been self inflicted. I’ve created a stressful environment for myself and brought more stress in my life than I need. John admits that he felt stressed out more than depressed. His sister admits that she feels more stressed out than anything else.

The difference? It’s simple really. John and I took steps to de-stress and un-junk our lives. She has not. In my mind that’s all there is to it. I could be way off base, and it’s not my place to judge, but I truly feel that it would help her.

The reason I feel this way stems from a 2 hour long conversation John and I had last night. I was telling him how stressed I had been feeling and how I felt everything was piling up on me. I wrote about it here, and shared some more feelings with him. We had talked about some ways that he could help me and many ways I could help myself. We also recalled how things had been before we took this additional steps in our lives. That got us about other people in our lives that have been feeling the same way and how we wish they could figure it out.

Melissa was the first person we brought up. She has been creating so much of her own stress and anxiety, but not finding ways to minimize it. We have both tried to give her some suggestions, as have other members of the family, but she just gets angry when we say anything.

I feel badly for her, and more so for John because he has to sit back and watch her struggle. I’m just so grateful that I’ve been feeling better myself. This weekend was a wonderful three day block of nothing. Wonderful, quiet, empty, relaxing nothing! I love doing nothing. I slept in 2 days in a row, watched far too many movies, and spent good quality time with my husband, which in turn sparked this very long winded post. So if you are now thoroughly bored, you can blame it on him.

Here is the latest on Great Grandma. I’m going up tomorrow night to see her. It will be the last time, I’m sure of it! I’ve had a feeling for several days that it would not be much past the end of the month.

E-mail dated May 28th 2006:

I love seeing movies in the theatre. I can get into them so much more. Even though we have a pretty big TV and surround sound, it’s just not the same. The smell of popcorn, getting to eat red vines that we snuck in, holding hands, laughing at the dumb previews and wowing at the cool ones. There just really is nothing quite like it.

X Men was awesome. I will give no spoilers here, but if you have enjoyed the series so far, you will love this one! The special effects were amazing. I loved the new characters they brought into the story. It had a different ending than I was expecting, but oh, what an ending. Also make sure and sit through all the credits so you can see the 30 second piece at the VERY end. It will blow you away.

I drive my husband crazy during action and suspenseful movies. I get really loud and whatever I’m thinking just comes out of my mouth. Like the time I yelled “holy shit” during “Signs” even though I had already seen it! I was getting nervous at certain parts and getting closer and closer to him, all the while grabbing at his pant leg and his shirt. Finally he pushed me away and hissed “would you stop trying to rape me?!” That’s my husband for ya. The really funny thing is that I didn’t even realize that I was clutching at him so much.

So, if you’re into the whole super hero, comic book thing go see this one, while it’s still in the theatre and then let me know what you think.

I was tagged by Dawn to do this letter meme. Then like the ditz that I am, forgot to do it. I was sitting here thinking what am I going to post about before I go to bed? Then it hits me “wasn’t I supposed to do a meme?” I couldn’t even remember what letter I had. I had to go back to her blog and scan through all the archives until I found it. I’ve been assigned the letter “D”.

I have to write 10 words that start with “D” that mean something to me. It probably won’t make sense to anyone else, but here I go. Hopefully this doesn’t take me all night either.

1. Ditz – what I am most days
2. Dance – what I think I can do
3. Dogs – what I’ve always had growing up
4. Dark – what my husband’s poetry is
5. Ducks – what my bathroom is decorated in
6. Denial – what I’ve been in many times
7. Down – how I’ve been feeling lately
8. Daisy – my fave flower, and my favorite dog as a kid
9. Dumped – what I’ve never had happen
10. Done – because I am

Notice how my longest word is only 6 letters long? #1 is ringing true already. Thanks Dawn! If anyone else would like a letter, please let me know. Sorry it took me so long to remember that I was supposed to do this.

My hard woking husband actually got Memorial Day off this year. I’m so excited, I can hardly wait. We are going to have family time for three days straight. After this, this and this happening I really need the break from extended family. It will be just the three of us. Mommy, Daddy and Baby!!

Our plans for the weekend include going to see this movie. Letting Kathryn have a slumber party at Grandmas house, which was my mom’s idea, not mine. Going to a new petting zoo, that has over 100 animals. I don’t know if it will be 100 of these, or 100 different species. Nonetheless I think it will be fun. We might go on a picnic at one of these, or maybe do this.

I know you are probably going batty with this post and all the links, but after reading this, while I was here, I just couldn’t help it.

Here is a great video of Kathryn making all the crazy noises she does. I could laugh at her for hours when she is doing this!